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Grief Is A Funny Thing

Grief is a funny thing. It’s something you never get over when you lose a loved one. Two years ago today, life for our family changed forever. During the early hours of the morning, my mum suffered a severe stroke.

This completely shook not only my world but also my family’s. My mum was always the life and soul of the party. The one who made sure everyone was okay. She was my confidant and just an amazing woman. To see her in a hospital bed unable to really move or communicate was such a shock. During her time in hospital, we saw signs of her making recovery, but unfortunately, on March 31st, she lost her battle and passed away.

March 31st and August 1st are days that will stick with me forever. The grief has never left me, and I don’t think it ever will. I still have moments when I forget that she’s gone. A moment when a major event happens in my life and my first thought is, ‘Oh, I’ll call mum to tell her,’ and then the reality hits that she won’t be there to answer.

When grief hits

The grief comes with anxiety, which is something I’ve never experienced until the last two years. The anxiety when the phone rings and you wonder if it’s going to happen again to another loved one. It is getting better, and I’ve found ways of coping with things better now than I had before, but it’s all taken time.

I guess I wish someone had told me that in the beginning. I suppose the purpose of writing this is partly my own benefit as I think getting this out my head will help. Another is for anyone else who wants to read this. To say it’s okay to always feel grief and be sad even though a long period of time has passed.

It’s okay to have anxiety. Own it. When grief hits, find your way of dealing with it. Whether that’s crunching on pieces of ice, doing exercise, using herbal supports such as CBD or talking to friends. There are no rules. If it helps you and works, do it.

In the future, I’d like to see more businesses offer better support for those who have suffered a loss and are experiencing poor mental health. Train your staff better in how to have more empathetic conversations and offer more resources.

'You're fat'

For me, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. I’ll continue my weight loss journey that I promised my mum I’d do. She used to point at my belly in the hospital knowing I’d put on weight. Christmas 2019, I was walking my mum in a wheelchair, and she kept looking at my belly. I said to her, ‘Mum, if you tell me I’m fat, I’ll do something about it.’ Knowing she hadn’t said anything in weeks, I wasn’t expecting a response. Half an hour later, she pointed at me again, looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘You’re fat’.

A lot of people may find this harsh, but it makes me smile fondly because that was my mum, and it will always make me laugh knowing that that was the last thing she ever said to me. During the time between my mum passing and now, my gran unfortunately also passed away.

I still don’t have all the tools for processing my grief around my gran and my mum, and I am sure that at some point, this will hit me. However, I am hoping that speaking about this and my struggles will hopefully help someone going through something similar.

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